Category: Coaching

Coaching or Counselling?

September 5, 2024

If you’re not sure if it’s coaching or counselling/psychotherapy you need you are likely asking yourself – what is the difference?

A brief and simplistic answer is:

  • Counselling focuses on the past and sometimes the present, holding a supportive space whilst the client works through and comes to terms with whatever it is they have experienced or are currently experiencing.
  • Coaching focuses on the present and the future which generally involves setting goals, finding solutions and determining action to be taken.

“… put very simply, I place coaching at one end of a continuum, as forward facing, positive and goal focused, and counselling and therapy at the other end, as reparative and dealing with deep, underlying issues.”
Keren Smedley ~ taken from BACP Journal, Therapy Today, March 2014

There are a huge variety of counselling, psychotherapy and coaching approaches, modalities and theories along with a diverse range of practitioners who will bring their own unique experiences of life, personal and professional development, beliefs and neuroses (we all have them!), thus making it hard to categorise their service into either coaching or counselling/psychotherapy.

It is also confused by the industry itself. The short-term solution-focused counselling and psychotherapy EAP* work I undertake require the setting of goals and monitoring of achievement and improvement.

*Employee Assistance Programmes – agencies that work as an intermediary between an employer/organisation and freelance counsellors/psychotherapists.

There are a lot of counsellors out there who use coaching skills in their work and there are a lot of coaches out there who use counselling skills in their work.

Where does this leave you? It is always useful to know, from the outset, what it is you are wanting to achieve by seeking out either a counsellor or coach. Even if, like me, your counsellor is also a coach, it is important to determine what the focus of the work will be that you do together. If I am coaching someone I am working differently – I am more directive and mindful of what is wanting to be achieved and supporting the client in removing the obstacles that are preventing them from achieving their desired outcome. If I’m counselling the pace tends to be slower and in keeping with the client’s own natural, inherent process.

And just to either confuse the situation more or provide greater clarity here are a couple of examples, from my own practice, where there has been overlap:

  • Someone may be going through a period of depression, and whilst it is important to give that person the time, space and relationship they need to express this and feel this, there may come a time when they will begin to feel ready to take action to help themselves further. For me, the key is in the timing. I strive to totally accept a person wherever they are at. And if that is walking with them awhile whilst they appear to be staying in the same place, that is what I will do. Because there will come a time when that person is ready to begin to do something different – but until they are ready it won’t work. When they’re ready, they’ll be more focus on the present and actions to take for their future.
  • Someone may be all fired up and come for coaching to help them get fit and healthy. Whilst working on their chosen goals we will begin to identify the obstacles to their progress, some of which might be past issues that they never made the connection to before. Therefore, some of the sessions may be exploring and healing the past so it becomes less or even no issue in the present and future.

Change – more examples to highlight if it’s coaching or counselling you need…

  • Sometimes change is thrust upon us and life becomes too difficult to bear. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, ill health, accidents – counselling can support you through these difficult times and help you find a level of peace and acceptance to then begin to find a way to move forward in life.
  • Sometimes we seek change out. We know what we want to do but are overwhelmed with what’s to come, or don’t know where to start, or know we need to change something but not sure what or how. Coaching can help here.

As both a counsellor/psychotherapist and coach I decided to keep my rates for these services the same because there is so much overlap, especially in the way that I work. You will find a lot of coaches charge a considerably larger amount of money for coaching – sometimes this is because it’s specialist coaching, such as executive or leadership coaching, or relative to the client’s industry, sometimes it’s because they are an expert in a certain area, and sometimes it’s just because they can!

I have a wealth of skills, knowledge, techniques and experience in both counselling, psychotherapy and coaching, as well as in business, training, personal development and so on. What I want to emphasise is that at the heart of my practice is you, the client, and what you might need in the beginning might not be what you need further on.

So instead of asking yourself do I need coaching or counselling, ask yourself: Do I want to change? Do I want to help myself? Do I want to heal? Do I want my life to be better than this? Do I want someone to talk to? Do I want someone to be with me during this difficult time of my life? Do I want someone to help me achieve my goals? Do I want someone to help me work out what my goals actually are?

One of the reasons I offer a free initial meeting of 15 minutes is to help you gain some clarity on which service might be best for you if you’re not sure. Whichever you decide upon you will get the full benefit of what I bring to my work but we’ll both be clear on what it is you’re needing right now and that will be the focus of the work. And always remember – we all have the right to change our minds!

Goals… it’s really all about you being you

July 27, 2023

An investment banker stood at the pier of a coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the boat were several large fish. The banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The fisherman replied, “only a little while.”

The banker then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The fisherman said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.

The banker then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, relax with my wife and stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. I have a full and busy life.”

The banker scoffed. “I have a business degree and can help you,” he said. “You should spend more time fishing, and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middle-man, you could sell directly to the processor, eventually opening up your own cannery. You could control the product, processing, and distribution,” he said. “Of course, you would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to the city, then to the capital city where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the banker replied, “Oh, 15 to 20 years or so.”

“But what then?” asked the fisherman.

The banker laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time was right, you would sell your company and become very rich. You would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The banker said, “Then you could retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you could sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, relax with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play guitar with your friends.”

Adapted from The Parable of the Mexican Fisherman and Investment Banker, original author unknown, I’d read years ago and found again at this website https://aliabdaal.com/the-parable-of-the-mexican-fisherman/

Before you read any further maybe take a moment and consider what your initial reaction was to the parable.

Here are my musings…

What strikes me first from the above parable is the fisherman saying ‘I have a full and busy life’. Full for me as in fulfilment – he feels fulfilled; he’s not wanting for anything else. He has enough to live his life and enjoy the experiences and relationships he has in his life.

Note how the banker doesn’t hear any of this. He just sees an opportunity to make money. His values are different. There is nothing wrong with making money and being an entrepreneur if that is what fulfils you and brings you happiness. But what the banker is doing is imposing his own ideals onto the fisherman.

I then realised that I’d assumed the fisherman was quite happy with the life he had. Yet he doesn’t actually say this. The investment banker assumes the fisherman is not happy perhaps? Both of us making assumptions. In hindsight the banker could have asked the fisherman this before he offered an alternative lifestyle based on his own expertise.

Then there’s the word ‘busy’. A mode of being that some people wear like a badge of honour associating it with being productive, important, useful… or as a tactic for avoiding something, someone, or even yourself.

Busy can easily be perceived as fulfilment, but what is your life filled with? Is what you want in there?

‘He had enough to support his family’s needs’ ~ I love this. He had enough.

There’s an implication of ‘trust’ in this. No need to stock up on fish, there will still be fish there tomorrow, especially as the fisherman only took what he needed. This reminds me of one of the three maxims inscribed at the Temple of Apollo at Delphi (associated with The Oracle of Delphi) ~ nothing in excess. The other two being ‘know thyself’ and ‘certainty brings insanity’…

The following famous quote also comes to mind:

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

Maimonides (Moses ben Maimon) philosopher and scholar

Shifting the focus onto the banker I would ask ~ Why do we end load our ‘reward’? Ie, wait for retirement?

What are we really striving for? Yes there are basic needs we have in life – food, water, warmth, shelter, a place of safety, love and connection. Yes, sometimes we have to do a job we don’t like to get the funds to pay for this and I’m all for making ends meet. What I am pondering is what do you do with the time that you have left over from ensuring your basic level of comfort and those that are dependent on you.

This is not about having lofty goals or ideas. Maybe it’s just to love and feel loved. To enjoy the simple pleasures in life.